Excerpts from My History Report on Tiberius
I’m gonna use a few excerpts on my Tiberius report. It’s main objective was actually a book report on a biography of Tiberius. I stupidly chose a historically fictionalized autobiography. Can’t wait for my grade.
“All of this information chronicles possible reasons why Tiberius was a horrible ruler and led one of the most miserable lives of the Julio-Claudian Dynasty, possibly even more filled with grief then Gaius Caligula, whose insanity blinded himself to the misery in the world.”
I think I skidded over a few things here, as I forgot to include those times Caligula raped a bunch of chicks and like, went batshit insane and killed an assload of people.
“He is a highly respected author, as well as a journalist who regularly writes for some British publications. The book presents a bias that tends to give Tiberius a gentler, misunderstood portrayal.”
Shenanigans! My source for his high respectedness was pretty much a google search to see how many search results I got. I think one of them said he was respected though. Also, the book makes the poor guy seem like a pansy. He talks about his feelings and how he loves Vipsania, his first wife, and how he’s heartbroken about his lost love Julia, his second and whorish wife.
“The quality of the book in giving a true account of Tiberius’ life is low, partly because of the incredibly low writing skills presented by ***** in translation and compiling.”
Ok, so you could probably figure out who it is. I don’t care. This is pretty much the only fully true thing in my essay. Everything else was stretched a little to make it seem like the book didn’t suck as much as it did.
“After some research, the memoirs purported to be used in creating the book bear little resemblance to the finished product, and Massie mostly took these memoirs, added his own spice to them, and added in some historical substance from primary sources such as Suetonius’ analysis of Tiberius.”
The memoirs purported to be used in the book are bullshit. All of this crap’s sources were memoirs by Suetonius. Maybe. If I’m lucky.
Ah well, deal with it. Next time, my English research paper!
Isn’t it ironic?
God threw me a fastball today. I spent the last three days getting shit for English, like…supplies…for our research project. I had to walk to the local tyrannical non-Walmart superstore and buy all this stuff. The day before it’s due, things change, and I screwed up the index cards…so I walk back again. Bring it back. The day it’s due, I have everything. I’m totally cool. Then English comes and she checks it. I realize I didn’t get a permission slip signed. Why I need to get a permission slip signed to do a report is beyond me, but I needed it. One point off major grade. Not too bad. And just to add insult to injury, I forgot some packet in my locker I needed for the class. I could’ve literally stretched my body around the room door to open my locker and get it, but I was too lazy.
Besides English, pretty ok day. We “watched” Ice Age in Spanish…in spanish. Substitute. No one watched much of it, but it was nice to get around an hour and a half of doing nothing since the period before, I also had a sub for anatomy. By the way, if something happens to our anatomy teacher, like she gets fired, I swear I’ll start a walkout. Unless she quit. Then I may still do a walkout if I find something specific to walkout against, such as the recent “maybe” cancellation of the Spanish fair. This school is white enough.
Lastly, Gulliver’s Travel’s ain’t that bad. The ending was a bit disappointing, and I thought it was on par with other such historical seafaring epics as 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea and Mutiny on the Bounty. Despite the non-fictitious nature of the latter, I believe that as a whole, Gulliver’s Travels was the most realistic fantasy I’ve ever witnessed. It’s a bit disconcerting when you see how Jonathan Swift saw advanced civilization back then and how it is now. It’s almost eerie to think that our advancements will be nothing like what we think it might be like.
Therefore…
Top 5 Advancements You Never Saw Coming
1. Infinite Cheap Diamond
The fact is, folks, fake diamonds will become identical to real ones, making certain manufacturing cheaper and more effective, as well as pleasing your girlfriend a lot cheaper with less soreness on the neck.
2. Sleep Deprivation Helpers
Everyone knows Americans, as well as half the civilized world don’t know how to get more than 7 hours of sleep. I’m sure someone will do something about that. Maybe a recharge for the body?
3. Incredible Astronomical Physics Explained
Who doesn’t love astronomical physics? I know I do. I’d like to know the mysteries of the universe and I think some douchebag who doesn’t desire it will get it. It always happens that way.
4. Cancer is cured. Artifical Stem cells. Other crap.
You know it’ll happen. We’re waiting on time. This one should probably be expected. How it got onto this list is an enigma.
5. Green Day, Oasis, Weezer, and the Foo Fighters Will Stop Sucking.
As opposed to the others, this one may take awhile. (Edit: Post 2002 GD, Oasis, Weez, and FF! I loves me my pre 2002 alty rock.)
I Decree this Week a Black Hole
I try not to whine about bad things, but a lot of shit just went down that’s negative, so I’m so out of it. My best friend lost the chance with a girl, everyone’s acting so anti-social, I’m being accused of arrogance and douchebaggery, and most of all: I lost the vibe with everything. I had a vibe, a vibe, now it’s gone. It comes back, sure, but I feel like shit when it’s not there.
Onto other things, I realized I really want to open a restaurant of some sort after college if none of my aspirations pan out immediately. It’d be nice having that as a fallback.
So uhh, screw it. Decreed.
Sunday Evening
In juxtaposition to Sunday morning, I must’ve not come in with the breeze tonight. It’s cold, damp, and rotting of weird smells in my house. I have a paper for Deacon due in the next week about my “accomplishments”, which will probably surface on here in the next week. Speaking of which, I love the first few days (or weeks) of writing a blog with no one to listen to you. It’s like the calm before the storm.
I have a few problems though, as I have to read a large amount of Gulliver’s Travels before the end of this week, as well as fix up my biography on Tiberius. Tiberius wasn’t that bad of a guy, he was just so apathetic and lazy, it seemed like he was a hateful dictator who ruined millions of Roman’s lives. Algebra’s on an easy section, and that class is getting better as the year goes on. In fact, most of my grades sans history are better than they’ve ever been. It’s a shame I’ll probably be too lazy to apply into NHS. I have a feeling I’ll be doing all the paperwork the day before it’s due, and get a lot of people mad at me. That’s my style I guess.
Anyway, Sunday evening doesn’t look like it’s getting much shorter, so I bid you adieu in order to list down my accomplishments.
